Pop the Questions

I often cite pop culture to bolster a point, but tonight I use it instead as inspiration. After viewing and thoroughly enjoying the new teen comedy Easy A, I find myself pondering the relationship between lying and romance. In the film, Emma Stone’s character lies about losing her virginity, causing a spike in popularity, causing more fake sex, causing Olive to become a faux trollop and genuine outcast. Guy weren’t lining up to jump Olive’s bones before hearing she swiped her V-card, but they weren’t offering to take her out after thinking she earned the platinum rewards card either. SPOILER ALERT (if you’ve never before seen a movie): Olive, of course, still ends up with Gossip Girl’s adorable Penn Badgely, so hers isn’t the proper case to study. But I still find myself regarding this question: how much lying is necessary in the dating game?

There is a set of “Rules” floating around the stratosphere that supposedly inform females on the best way - the only way - to catch a man. And not just any man: the right man, the man worth catching. These rules involve a LOT of lying early on in the relationship.

Say no to a date the next day by telling him you’re busy, even if you aren’t. This is supposed to make you unattainable, irresistible, worthy of his pursuit. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I became worthless the moment I ceased to be busy.

Never show a man the extent of your intelligence. Apparently it intimidates him. So I’m doing this to snag a dude who is scared of my top-tier diploma? That seems counterintuitive.

And please, NEVER be sarcastic. Ok, Rules. First my intellect, and now my sarcasm? If I was Samson, you would have just cut my hair and drained me of my strength and crowning achievements. What else am I supposed to attract them with? My grace and poise? Yeah, that’ll work much better.

To me, these games represent the lies people tell at the beginning of a relationship. He might make his job sound a little more important than it actually is, saying he oversees the organization of the entire office, meaning he answers the phones and gets the coffee. In addition to lying about fake plans that didn’t happen the previous Friday, she pretends to like red wine when he suggests ordering a bottle, and is now disguising the way it burns her throat with seemingly greedy gulps. But she really should have just admitted her true feelings, because chances are he only ordered the wine to impress her and would have favored a Heiniken himself. When does this circle of fibbing stop? Does he deflate the number of women he previously slept with? Does she lie about liking his friends, pushing down the doubt of what that might really mean?

When do the lies you tell your date or partner become the lies you tell yourself?

I hardly think you should give your entire self over to a stranger on a first date - I admit there’s something inherently dangerous in that very notion. But why would hold back when there’s a sarcastic quip in the forefront of your mind, just itching to travel down your neurons and out of your mouth? Am I some sort of idiot savant for not seeing the point of that?

But maybe I’m not looking at the big picture, and maybe Easy A’s romance did teach a larger point. Olive’s long-time love was able to see through the transparent rumors and know who she was at her core. He sifted through the lies and was still able to know her. So maybe that’s the point of all the facade building and efforts to impress: to find someone who can wade through your bullshit - wants to wade through your bullshit - and still comes out clean on the other side.