Here goes nothing

In just 24 minutes, I turn 25. You can account for the time of birth, but now that I’m in my mid to late twenties I have no time for semantics.

My mid to late twenties. A quarter of a century. Somehow 25 just feels like a different league than 24. I know, I know, there’s nothing but a day separating the two ages. But in one day I go from one demographic - the 18-34 set - to two as the newest member of the 25-49 set.

With that new demographic I feel like I should have my shit together. Twenty five used to seem so old, but I feel no more sure of my grasp on life than I did when I turned 21. At least then I had an excuse to drink a lot. Now the only excuse is not feeling like a have a firm grip on where things are going. It’s a vicious cycle!

Of course I’ve come a long way since my 23rd year. Most of my 23rd year was spent living in my parents’ house and searching for a job. In 2011, I somehow managed to score three jobs and finally earned the independence I really needed. Twenty four brought all of that.

And what will 25 bring? I have no idea. I suppose that could be the fun of it. The idea that anything could happen. Because even though, a few posts ago, I wrote about not having expectations in the bitterest way possible, I’m still convinced I actually had something there.

But maybe it isn’t so much about expectations. Maybe it’s about not closing yourself with a set life plan. Because there are things you could never plan for. Some are great - like finding three jobs in a year after an almost-two-year dry spell. Others? Not so much. The key is being open to both sides of the same coin.

I’ve never thought of myself as a planner, but the truth is that there was a part of me that expected to be at a certain place at a certain time. I’m not talking crazy-girl, married by 26 and kids by 29 talk, but a general “this isn’t where I thought I’d be.” Nope. Not anymore.

May 25 be the year of letting go. May it be the year I become less concerned with where I’m going, and more concerned with where I am.