Taking a stand

There are many reasons women resist the allure of the one night stand. 

It’s against their moral code.  

They’re waiting for marriage. 

They need emotional intimacy to reach physical intimacy.  

They’re terrified of STD’s. 

They’re even more terrified of getting pregnant.

They’re even MORE terrified this strange man has no skills in the kitchen for breakfast the next day.

For me, there was always another reason: I didn’t think it was an option. I legitimately didn’t think anyone wanted to even try for a one night stand with me. I was the awkward girl in the corner. I was commenting on how much I hated birds instead of telling them how big their biceps are. I did not consider myself one night stand material. At least not for the types of guys that sane girls go home with. I was reasonably confident about my ability to pick up the fangled-toothed man in the opposite corner.

However, as I’ve hit up the bar scene in the city, I’ve realized that this image of myself isn’t quite right. Sure, maybe I won’t be able to snag the Justin Timberlake look-alike, but there are some reasonably attractive guys that have propositioned me. 

The scant times it happened in college, I always had the excuse of a roommate. I have far too much Catholic guilt to even think about kicking someone out of their own bedroom for my own pleasure. After college, I lived at home in Jersey with my parents and spent my life on NJ Transit - talk about a buzz kill.

But now that I’m living on my own, logistics are no longer an issue. Which means I actually need to think about the matter at hand. And my feelings are anything but clear-cut.

All of the reasons that other women employ are completely justified, don’t get me wrong. I have a moral code. I do think that emotional intimacy ups the ante when it comes to the physical stuff. But the marriage principle is antiquated, and the STD’s and babies can be prevented with science. Breakfast? Well, the jury is still out on that one.

I usually live my life by a simple question: what do you think you’ll regret more? It’s a pretty sound code of conduct for a twenty-something. I don’t want to be the forty-something talking about all the things I COULD have done in my twenties. And Ryan Gosling makes a compelling argument in the movie “Crazy Stupid Love,” when he asks Emma Stone whether she’ll ever regret going home alone over going home with the handsome stranger from the bar.

Of course, he’s also Ryan Gosling. And if there’s one thing every woman can agree on it’s the fact that they would NEVER regret sleeping with Ryan Gosling. But barring such extraordinary circumstances, it’s impossible to know what I would be feeling the next morning. Would I be ashamed of myself for letting my guard down like that with someone I know nothing about? I don’t know. Knowing that I’m looking for something special with someone - knowing that guilt is part of my genetic makeup - what would my self-worth be after I cross that bridge? 

It’s possible french toast may not even fix that one.