Feelin a Whole Lotta Love

Last week the word sexy was used in reference to my being for the first time. It took me aback. Quite like I suggested in my last post, I became quite uncomfortable. I definitely laughed, probably denied the truth behind the statement. He was rather good-looking, a cameraman and wannabe actor. Did it amount to anything tangible? No, it did not. But the sheer fact that it happened was enough for me. So what were the factors that led to such a moment?

1. Holiday party. Who doesn’t love a good holiday party? The chance to see your coworkers loose and trashed is always bound to be priceless.
2. Good style day. Black pencil skirt. White V-neck top. Black sweater vest with jazzy sparkles. Hair I actually put effort into. And more makeup than I normally put on in all 4 days I work. It was enough to make people see me differently - in some cases, for the first time - during the work day, and I’d venture to say it was enough to contribute to the sexy moniker.
3. Alcohol. There’s a reason they call alcohol liquid courage. I’ve been drinking for a few years now, but I haven’t ever really used alcohol to my advantage ... until last week. There were no barriers between me and anyone. Since those broken barriers didn’t involve anything as drastic as a striptease, I think that’s a relatively good thing (but only if you’re 21, of course).
4. Karoke. It’s an art form that many enjoy, but only few can really master. I’ve always enjoyed, but I mastered for the first time at that holiday party. With an actual band backing me, I took on Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love” and I won. There was singing, there was wailing, and there was hip-shaking in what I remember to be all the right places. It’s this instance that caused the camera man to come up to me in the first place. Turns out he’s a fan of the Led, and finally my love of classic rock has a purpose.

All of these specifics, don’t they just add up to the one big-picture adjective that really changed my fortunes that night? That adjective is a little thing called confidence. It’s not something I normally have astronomical amounts of, but with all of those factors melding and meshing together, suddenly I had tons. I let loose. I was completely myself. And suddenly someone respected that. Someone found that attractive. And even if it was only that fleeting moment in which I was crooning about coolin and droolin (check the lyrics), it happened.

So now the trick is to figure out how to bottle up that feeling and drink it in when I’m not drunk in December imitating Robert Plant. I’ve been trying to figure out how to do that to varying degrees of success. Networking event in which I had a group of guys laughing? Success. Trying to charm the former stand-up comedian I work with? Failure. But at least I tried. And maybe, just maybe, if I continue on this streak of confidence, I’ll be able to figure out exactly which guy is worth the effort.