How will I know?

In honor of Whitney Houston’s momentous, and deeply tragic, passing, I will blog under the heading of one of her most recognizable songs: How will I know?

How will I know indeed. But I’m not looking to know if he really loves me, I’m just looking to know if he likes me. If there’s the chance of dating. Hell, if there’s the chance of one date.

In the past, I have sat back and gone with the flow when I suspected someone may like me. I would have conversations, put us in group hangout situations, and then get fed up when, two or three months later, nothing had happened yet. I never tried to rock the boat, and yet when that nothing did happen I got fed up. This led to one of two things: I either gave up entirely or I tried to force the issue. I pulled away or I had the uncomfortable conversation.

And only after the uncomfortable conversations did I understand that I couldn’t have known anything. There was nothing to know. I mistook friendship and vague companionship for the beginning of a relationship. I bought a ticket for the wrong ship. And only recently did I start to figure out where to find a ticket for the right ship.

I dated (whatever that means) someone for about a month back in the fall. And how did I know then? I actively flirted with the man in question. I went out of my way to visit him. I gave him my number. And when I felt that he was putting something out there, I did my best to actually pay it back. I was bold. I made it clear I wanted to make out with him, not just see him and talk to him.

Turns out all of that stuff makes a difference. Seems like such a simple lesson to learn, but it took 24 years to figure it out. Better late than never I suppose. And to be fair only, like, ten of those years actually count.

So now, when I ask the question how will I know, I plan to employ a similar tactic. I want to force the issue in all the right ways - and not after all hope is lost.

Sometimes putting yourself out there doesn’t mean overtly telling someone you like them. I now get why that could be off-putting. No, sometimes it means saying it without actually saying it. Using actions instead of words.

So, in answer to the famous Whitney question, how will I know, I guess I’ll just know. Because he’ll either respond or he won’t. Don’t worry, you’ll know which way it goes.