There are a lot of things the movies inaccurately portray. Pocahontas and John Smith’s relationship. The ability to walk away from an exploding building without flinching. Being able to blow up an asteroid with a bomb. But I’m not interested in those things. They have no bearing on my life. I doubt America will be colonized by any good looking aliens. God help me if I had anything to do with that exploding building. And God help the world if I’m the one that has to figure out how to destroy an asteroid.
What I am interested in is the common portrait of two best friends that get together. I saw it tonight in the new movie Friends with Kids, in which Adam Scott and Jennifer Westfeldt’s characters are completely platonic, decide to have a kid, and then contend with ensuing feelings. SPOILER ALERT: They get together in the end. Years and years of friendship, tons and tons of claims of zero attraction, and the two still end up together.
Does this actually happen?
I used to think it did. My brother and his wife have always contended that the key to the success of their relationship is that they’re best friends first and husband and wife second. But does that mean you should be best friends before the relationship?
I don’t think so. At least not anymore. When you meet someone, you know whether you’re attracted to them - if not instantly, then by the time you leave your first meeting with them. If there is no mutual attraction, it’s hard to get past that. That feeling of lust, however fleeting it can be, is still an integral part of the relationship process. Great conversation is awesome, a free drink or meal is wondrous, but at the end of the day it doesn’t go that far. If he doesn’t want to get in your pants, it probably isn’t going to happen. I know, the theory isn’t worthy of a modern-day fairy tale, but that doesn’t mean it’s without merit.
When you really think about it, to think that two people would be in love but do nothing about it is to think that they’re masochistic. You go through this life hoping to find someone that gets it in the same way you do. So you find that person, and what, you keep looking? It makes me wonder. When people say they married their best friend, were they in love first and fore most, then learned to depend on each other? Or maybe they were always best friends and settled, thinking it really wouldn’t get any better than that?
For my part, I’ve decided that I’m done trying to turn friendships into something else. I will devour fiction that tells me I’ll end up with the guy who’s been by my side the whole time, but I am done chasing just that - fiction. I want to find someone who has no questions when they meet me. He knows, unequivocally, that he wants to wine me, dine me and bed me.
After a few wines and a few dines, of course. I might be throwing out the story book when it comes to models of romance, but I still have standards.
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