Define ‘ready’

Ready. It’s such a subjective word. What does it mean? How is one truly ready for anything? And in the greater theme of this blog, how is one truly ready for a relationship?

We hear it all the time. “Oh he likes you but he isn’t ready for a relationship.” “She is totally into you, but she just got out of something, so isn’t ready for you yet.” Are these real reasons people don’t get together? Or are they a harbinger of a greater issue: He or she just doesn’t like you enough to take the risk?

Maybe ready for a relationship means being ok with yourself. You’ve been single for long enough to know who you are without another person. You aren’t looking for a relationship to complete you, merely supplement you. You’re ok with being alone, but you genuinely think this other person could make it even better.

And what about former relationships? If you just had a lengthy one, conventional wisdom says you should wait before you get into another. I tend to agree with this. We’ve all watched friends bounce from relationship to relationship, basking in the glow of serial monogamy (and in most cases, steady yet guilt-free intimacies, let’s be honest here). It’s almost as if they’re hiding behind another person.

Clearly I am understanding of the “ready concept.” I would never say it’s invalid - there is absolutely truth to it. But here’s the thing - can anyone ever really be READY for a relationship? Can anyone ever truly be ready to give themselves over to another person in that way?

Not having much relationship experience - perhaps from not being ready? - I can’t answer that definitively, but I tend to think no. Sometimes people blind side you. They come out of nowhere and they enter your life and there was no way you could possible prepare. So I guess my answer is that yeah, you may not be ready, but guess what? Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. You may not think you’re ready, but so what? Some people are worth the risk.

I often think that job advice and dating advice are eerily similar, and here’s one of the best pieces of bi-applicable advice I’ve ever gotten: “If you make a decision, and it feels completely comfortable, and there is no element of a ‘leap of faith,’ chances are the decision isn’t worth making.”