Put a ring on it

Back in Jane Austen’s day, there was never any question of whether a man was spoken for or unattached. Everyone knew everyone else’s business. Relationships were also far more black and white. You were either single, betrothed or married. There were no other options. You met a man in town, he picked up your lace handkerchief, you batted your eyelashes, and suddenly it seemed your spinster days were over. Chances are you already heard about him and his entire family history before he even moved into town, and if you didn’t recognize his name your cousin Fannie certainly did. Intel was a cinch.

Fast forward to the 1950s and things were still cut and dry. You were either single, dating, engaged or married. Women wore engagement rings to advertise engagement plus, and it was standard for men to do the same once they were pronounced man and fit to kiss their bride.

But now EVERYTHING is just so damn CONFUSING!

Men don’t seem to be required to wear wedding rings anymore, which is particularly ironic give the fact that men wearing all other types of jewelry is far more acceptable. When he is wearing a wedding ring, all questions are dispelled barring some sort of catastrophe that made him a widower or the inability to accept divorce - in which cases he isn’t ready for you anyway.

But what if he isn’t wearing a wedding ring? The options are endless! He could be:

a) Single and unattached
b) In a messy, unofficial hookup relationship
c) In a long distance relationship
d) Dating exclusively
e) Living with someone
f) Engaged
g) Married but against wearing rings
h) Looking for something on the side
i) Divorced
j) Divorced with kids (totally different)
k) Baby Daddy
l) Confused

Roughly half of the alphabet, and I haven’t even covered men who are widowers, gay, perennial bachelors or bi curious.

To illustrate my point, in that same (apparently) eventful trip to Pinkberry, my friends and I sat next to a man and his adorable daughter. My one friend struck up a conversation with him and we talked about how much of a ball buster his daughter was turning out to be at the ripe old age of three. He dropped the word “mommy,” but never the words “my wife.” And, you guessed it, there was no wedding ring to be found. Now I’m not saying I was interested in him - no matter how good looking he was I am not ready to even entertain the idea of being a mother - but had his daughter not been there, would we have even known about that part of his life? Doe she have a wife or simply a baby mama? Are they together or not? Too many questions!

So please, for God’s sake, men, take Beyonce’s advice, make it easier on the ladies, and just put a freaking ring on it.