Weighing the issues

Consider this a further meditation on image and the precedence it takes in the dating game. Consider this a specific dalliance into the topic of weight and how that translates into finding a relationship. Consider this a complaint, a call to arms, a confessional. But whatever you do, do NOT mistake it as me fishing for compliments.

My whole life I have struggled with weight. I’ve been up, I’ve been down, but mostly I’ve been up. I may be overweight, but I’m not stupid. I know that this issue could be at the forefront of my problems attracting men. I know that it could be at the forefront of my problem with men seeing me as only a friend. It’s easy to see the fat funny girl as nothing but a prop, there to amuse you and support you but not there for you to make out with. I get it.

It’s almost like I have a physical barrier keeping me from being truly seen. I have this layer of flesh that keeps people from seeing what else is inside. It clouds judgment. It’s holding me back. I get that I could do something about it. But does that make it easy? No. And does that make the attitude right? Hell to the no.

Men in their 20s will take the bitch with the bod over the good girl with the girth all day, every day. That’s the way it is. If my experiences have taught me anything, it’s that. Will it eventually change with an increase in age? I hope so. But why should I have to wait years to get what other girls my age are getting now?

I know what you’re thinking. Well, are you going after men who are considered overweight? The answer is that I don’t close myself off from anyone. But take a look around. Those guys aren’t dating the overweight girls either. There is a total double standard when it comes to weight in men and women in their 20s, again I think stemming back from the ability of women to make a more emotional connection. Men want what they want, and they think not with their heads nor their hearts. Their nether regions are referred to as junk for a reason.

So where does this mediation leave me? What do I do with this fact? I can’t change it - again, history has taught me that- so I suppose that means I have to lose weight. But not for this reason, of course, because that just straight up won’t work. I have to do it for myself. I have to do it to obtain the confidence needed to look at a guy and say screw you and whatever you think of me because I feel great. I have to do it for health reasons. I have to do it for peace of mind.

I can’t say that it won’t hurt a little if I do indeed lose weight and then start getting asked out or hit on. It will hurt. But the hope, I suppose, is that while my looks may draw them in, my personality and heart will keep them around. And that, I guess, I can get behind.