Every so often, someone without full brain capacity actually makes a good point. When I was walking home Monday night, I was strolling behind three such someones - men, to be exact. They were talking about a guy’s weekend they were planning.
One of the fellas was questioned about his ability to attend, given his status as a man in a relationship. He said something like “I’m not married, she’ll deal with it.” Then the three proceeded to talk about the girlfriend’s anatomy - luckily before I decided to tune out of the conversation they switched back to the original topic.
They brought up a friend who wasn’t in the trio. Apparently they were dissatisfied with that compadre’s answer to the proposition of a guy’s weekend. He had to clear it with his girlfriend. Apparently, he was married, just sans ring and license. And that’s when the brightest of the bunch said this: “He’s so whipped. He has to get her ok for everything he does. She has him by the dick and the balls.”
I was only being half sarcastic by calling the speaker the brightest of the bunch. Did he articulate his thought in the most eloquent of ways? No. The crudest? Yes. But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a solid point there.
“Louise, do you want to go out for a drink with the girls?” Louise looks at you and grimaces. “Ooo see Lou and I are going to see Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked tonight.”
“Lou let’s play some pool tonight.” Lou lights up. “That’s great. Louise is great at pool.”
Ignoring the fact that someone named Louise should never date her male doppelganger Lou, you know you’ve had this conversation with one of your friends. We’ve all known that person who gets into a relationship and dissolves into his or her partner. Their daily decisions revolve around another person. They’re never an “I,” strictly a “we.” Suddenly you stop inviting Louise to things, either because you know she’ll have plans or Lou will crash the party despite the lack of an invitation.
But what causes someone to cling so hard to another person like that? I look at couples who spend every waking moment together and I think, “Man, I don’t like anyone in this world enough to spend that much time with him.”
As much as I’d like to be in a relationship, I’m not looking for someone to attach himself to my hip. I mean God, what could we possibly have to say to each other in that scenario? There’s only so many times I can rehash the last episode of Parks and Recreation with someone. I suppose that feeling may go away when I actually do meet someone and fall in love. But I’m really hoping it doesn’t. My hips are wide enough.
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