Proverbially speaking

Those who can’t do teach.

Never had there been a truer statement in my life. My dating life, to be exact. I can give other people sound advice. I can read chemistry between two potential love birds. I can figure out the right thing for someone else to say. But when it comes to me, I don’t have a clue. I have no read on the opposite sex. I can think they’re giving me all the signals in the world, and in the end they’re still dating someone else.

There’s a great story that I collected in 2011 to illustrate that very point. A guy that, amazingly enough, I’m still friends with, asked me out. Twice. And paid for me. Twice. Except he didn’t. Oh, he did pay. And he didn’t invite anyone else to come out with us. But it turns out he didn’t ask me out. It took him not asking me out a third time for me to figure it out.

We went to a baseball game with two other people. I felt good about my chances going into the night.

And then he didn’t sit next to me.

It’s funny how you can absolutely convince yourself of something, and the moment one small thing goes wrong you lose all hope. Him not sitting next to me told me everything I needed to know about the course of that night. Alas, the universe wanted to hit me over the head with the point.

In a roundabout way, the boy in question and I worked together. He knew most of my coworkers, including our two game mates, so the subject of office crushes came up. The other half brought up who they considered hot. I skirted the issue. And then it was the boy’s turn. And he told me he had a crush on someone else.

Straw, meet camel’s back. Knife, you were already in, but you can twist yourself now.

Obviously now it isn’t a big deal. I’ve transitioned into complete friendship with this guy. He’s dating someone else. But the story is like the ghost of crushes past, present and future.

Because PC (Potential Crush from two and three blogs ago) asked someone else on a date. And he didn’t tell me he liked this other girl. And he didn’t pay. And I wasn’t even that into him. But now I can add him to the proverbial list. And the list is getting long.